Working together to make me me. Chapter 1.

1. Peanut butter must be put on the bread first. Bridget likes to put the jelly on before, but I find that dumb.

2. I like my hangers to all be made of plastic. But not the ones that you get for free with new shirts, but the ones that come in different colors. If they have a top that spins, it is double no good. Sometimes I even match the hanger to the color of shirt.

3. I get upset, apparently, when a slow pitch soft ball team isn't wearing matching uniforms. This makes me uncomfortable.

4. My biggest pet peeve is when some asshole flicks their cigarette butt out the window of their car. This drives me to contemplated murder.

5. I cannot dry my freshly washed hands with the towel on the kitchen counter. It must be clean and in the drawer. After using it, I fold it and put it back; it is still clean.

6. I correct grammar on signs and billboards out-loud. I'm sure people get annoyed by this, but the annoyance I create for them is minor to the bother I feel for peoples lazy ignorance.

7. I have a shit-ton of ties. I wear maybe 5 of them.

8. I can't go into certain stores because I have no willpower once I cross their threshold. Even if I have a budget.

9. My favorite things are sometimes the plainest. For example: My favorite ice cream is Vanilla Bean.

10. If I see people moving their toes, I must move mine. If I see people not moving their toes, I must move mine. The latter reactions is to secure the notion of their existence, and the former is competition to see who's toes are more dexterous.

11. I spray my cologne in three different places on my body. One on the lower part of my neck in the front, one in the same spot in the rear, and one on my crotch. I heard somewhere that it makes your crotch more appealing...

12. Sometimes I obsess over cute boys to the point of depression. For example, in Denver this past weekend, we saw a very attractive man driving a bicycle rickshaw. We named him Rick. I cannot stop thinking about him, and yet, he will never grace my vision again.

13. I once conditioned myself to get into the right lane when a certain road split in two. And although I no longer live in the direction the right lane would take me, I still manage to make a loud noise of a random sort, and do a body gesture that one could only describe as crazy.

14. I played house by myself at age 16 because no one would play with me. That was the same age that I decided to stop playing. Worst decision ever.

15. Sometimes I pretend to be more masculine than I am to fit in. I fear that people won't accept me if they know what/how/who I really am. I don't want to do this, and I feel shamed after doing so, but sure enough, I do it none the less.

16. I'll go anywhere for the adventure. Just say the magic word.

17. I use the idea of me being an alcoholic to drink more. Drinking is fun.

18. When presented with a costume opportunity, I work too hard on what I want to look like. Especially considering no one else EVER puts that much effort into an impromptu costume. I usually look the best though. A friend once said, "It's a weird day when you have to dress like a pirate because you're afraid you won't fit in if you don't."

19. I HAVE to make it to #20 before finishing this post. If I don't, I'll feel incomplete. And if I get to #20 and think of more, then it will become #25 or #30.

20. Made it! I connect most everything in reality to something from Harry Potter because I'm just that awesome.



I'm sure there is more, but it will just have to be for another post.