Roommate Wanted

Several months ago I drafted this to find our perfect friend.

Roommate wanted.

You know, its that thing where you need a place to live and I need someone to live in this extra room. It’s great, because we scratch each other’s backs.

What we’re looking for:
Someone cool
A student
21 or older
must be pretty
must be reclusive
must not smoke
preferably a Slytherine (for complimentary purposes, negotiable)

Who you’re applying to live with:

2 males, 1 female
quirky people
Neat freaks
Super cute

Of course, we’re looking for the ideal roommate. Someone that we never see (at least until we get to know each other, no one likes awkward situations), someone that doesn’t judge us for watching way too much TV, and someone that keeps up on their dishes, diligently. We are 3 open minded people, outgoing and fun, looking for same. Truthfully, we enjoy a glass of wine every once in a while, but sometimes we get bonkers. It’s great. Champagne/pizza/the works.

The walls are sometimes paper thin, so we prefer that you neither have anyone over ever, nor talk about what you hear when we do. We like to entertain, but we hate meeting new people. So if you must bring friends around, do so slowly, and only if these guests are quiet and easily mocked.

Rent and other things to know:
Asking $300 for a bedroom, with around $60 per month for utilities. There is space for storage in the basement and garage, as well as some other areas. There is no option for a pet. House chores are divided among everyone.

Submit application with a $20 bill through mail. Address: [omitted for security reasons]