Revelation

These last few weeks have been terribly difficult. everytime i would think about him, i'd break down. Not a single thing would go through my head without being drawn back to an event that happened with him. it was hell. I was upset at the fact that we broke up. i was upset that he told me we were just going to be friends, and i'm upset that he's not a very good friend. he never writes me. he never writes me back. he doesn't call. he doesn't even text! sometime, sometimes he'll text me back. actually, thats not true, he does text me back usually. i cannot stress what boys do to me. i can't live my life knowing that someday you'll be in someone elses arms.

the reason i skipped the details of our relationship is simple. I think i'm over him. Monday morning, he was on my mind. throughout the day, significantly less. and Monday night, nothing. and to be perfectly honest, someone else was. I kind of hate that.

I've told myself that having a boyfriend is not one of my priorities. but i think i've been lying. i love knowing that someone cares about me. and maybe i'm just justifying the idea of it, right now, because i'm inclined to think Taylor DOESN'T care about me. the worst part is, this boy isn't someone i should like. based on my first impressions, he's sleazy. Oh, and he's "straight." which never really helps anyone. however, he's one of those not so straight boys. based on my recent conversations, he's just afraid. but through these same recent conversations, i'm finding a lot out about him. he's sensitive, but he doesn't show it. he thinks sex is boring, and he's actually searching for love, which is the exact opposite of what i thought about him. I'm really kind of falling for him. based on my experience, falling is bad. very bad.

besides the fact that he's cute, sensitive and... actually, to be honest, he doesn't have that much going for him. he's super hot though. he's kind of a jerk. he's almost too honest. he's a man with no ambition. he doesn't respect very many people. he's a cheater. and probably more. but, he's also learning. he's changed a lot of his ways these past few weeks. he's being a different person, because, i think, he broke up with his girl friend. i think he's finally realizing that love isn't as easy as it looks. just because you spend time with someone, and they like you, it doesn't mean they love you. I've already figured that out, luckily, but i do not blame him for being a little behind. psh, i guess he IS younger.... (18.)