Crushed. the double literal

A certain someone told me that we could never be together. i respect that, but i don't believe it is true. i wish people could get past labels, and accept themselves for who they are. I had a difficult time with it, which is why i'm not pushing, but eventually i became something complete. i acknowledged what i wanted, and what i deserve. my ambitions were focused on actual things. i came out to my parents in July sometime. perhaps the 3rd. I was extremely terrified to do so. who wouldn't be? this could make or break how i am defined. if my parents didn't agree with my lifestyle, they could cut me off, kick me out, or worse, disown me. i'd have to find a job (having been jobless at the time), i'd have to have found a place to live, and a new family, because no one can live for very long with no one to love them.

after telling them that i was different, that i liked boys, i was more shocked then they were. my mother was surprised, no doubt, but i was shocked to see how little it mattered. my dad, he's kind of an ass, he wasn't surprised, he exclaimed, because i didn't play football, and was in plays instead. my father, in all his genius, fails to realize correlation does not equal cause. all that aside, my parents are very supportive. they support most everything i do. they cook meals that don't have animal flesh in every thing, because i'm a vegetarian. they also threw an Obama party to watch him being sworn in. we didn't actually watch. my mom doesn't support my drinking, nor does she condone it, but she doesn't try to stop it, and she promotes safety up the wazu. when i told them i was gay, they didn't seem to care. i got to keep my bedroom. i got to eat dinner with them still. they still loved me. sadly, its not the same for everyone. and i think that is his problem. he's afraid to give into himself. he's afraid of the possible out comes. can you blame him? i hated that feeling. and i knew my parents wouldn't care. he's so lost and confused. i want to help him. but most of all, i want him to want to be helped.

I'm falling real hard for this boy. yesterday he told me he liked me. he said he liked me a lot. he also told me he isn't gay. my heart was pounding. there isn't anything i can do to change his mind. this decision lies in his hands. i told him i'd stop talking to him, because when i talk to him i just like him more. he didn't like that. he said that he liked talking to me, and i like talking to him. he wants to be friends. am i a bad person for planning on sneaking charm into our friendship. i can't make him like me. can I?

I'm crushed twice. 1, i have a crush. 2, he doesn't like me. i hate him for not liking me. however, i don't. i'm his prisoner, as of right now. fuck.