I never really got a chance to catch our fall. I never got a chance to put up my defenses. Within a flash, it was all over. No dramatic music, no foreshadowing. It just happened. The only clue I got was that night at dinner, he seemed so distant. I didn't catch on until I noticed he wasn't holding my hand. God, I still feel the same pain I felt that night. It hurts to think about it. I really have nothing sacred. Nothing that doesn't remind me of him. After all these months, days, hours, minutes, seconds... after all this time, he still passes through my thoughts most every second. It is almost as if he left yesterday, or today for that matter. I try to keep my mind occupied on other things, but it doesn't really work.
The truth is, if he talked to me, it would be different. If we saw each other every once in a while, I would see him as just another friend whom I used to date. But the cold truth is that he doesn't talk to me. We don't see each other. I doubt he even thinks about me. I doubt he's going through what I am.
The sad thing is, if he were to talk to me again, I would take him back. I suppose it isn't really that sad considering it was the best thing I've ever had. We never had a falling out. We never had a fight. We never did anything to each other that would make it a better life to live apart. I would love to take him back. In fact, that is what I think about. I think about how we dated, and how it is possible we will one day date again. I just wish I knew that was a true thing.
I still hate this.
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