Edit In the Morning

I lay here on my 10 dollar DI couch, as my friend sleeps in my bed, thinking about a multitude of things. Many of my friends have spent the weekend at Comic Con (SLC fist) and a few others have gone to Audra McDonald. I wish more than the first that I could have gone to Audra. I should not have spent 50 dollars at Ross, even though my clothes are SO CUTE!

Anyway, I am a little bit, unintentionally, listening to my roomate and her boy thang. I did just say thang. They are giggling after a nap, which should have been a sleep, as it is well past 1 am. They're just chit chatting now, but I suspect that they will bang soon. I hope that I finish this post and fall asleep before the noise keeps me up. I am very drunk, though, so closing my eyes is not an essy thing.

I am wondering if they're in love yet. They are obviously so cute together. He's charming, she's beautiful. If they try and have babies I will push her down the stairs. At what point does someone begin to love another someone, and at what point do they either realize, or admit that this is true? If this is love, when will they know it.

Here's the thing. I believe that V has earned her right to love. There are a sea of trials that one must first face to b able to really fall in love. At least fairly. You see, I know someone who has ignored all these trials, and skipped all the lessons, and pushed away all the pain that would have led her to happiness by share.... But the problem is because the is blocking these moments, she will not find it until she faces these things. If she knew that she were only delaying the hopefully inevitable (oxy), she would probably, honestly, become socially suicidal. She is not the kind of person to be self aware. Because being self aware is knowing that she doesn't like herself––with her standards, I just know she wouldn't. Sadly, this is true.

If she knew... Deep down, I think she does. But she spends so much time being ignorant of the things that are fact... She goes on dates, she has sex, she cries. The weird thing is, she doesn't even like sex. She just does ti because she likes the idea of men thinking she is pretty. She does not realize that she is NOT a piece of meat. Despite our telling her so, she does not listen. She does not listen any of it. Instead, she rows on, merily, into darkness. Only to wake up, hating herself and life. Just to put her back into denial and the never ending hole of self hatred.

If she were to just take a break... Just not date anyone, just be alone. I think that she will find that she is not only human, but capable of being truly loved. And therefore, hvae the ability to truly love in return. But alas, she is not home tonight. I assume that means her date is going well...

From the couch,
Edit tomorrow.