Beema Moo

Have you ever been watching a movie so motionless that you lose the ability to feel your body? You haven’t moved for so long that you forget how your fingers and legs are positioned. Of course, you guess. It kinda feels like they’re all upside down and backwards, but as soon as you go to confirm the position, it isn’t true. Your fingers are just the way you left them, interlocked and resting on your legs that are just curled beneath you. Strange how that happens.

I believe the same thing can happen with a friendship. If one goes too long without change, then you might think that the relationship is just as peachy as it ever was. Sure, shit happens, but for the sake of the friendship, you suck it up and just deal with it. After too long you realize you can’t feel her anymore. You have no idea where she is. She feels all upside down and backwards, so you go to analyze it. It is then that you realize things are not how you last left them. She’s ditching you more and more. She’s making newer better friends; she’s living her life without you.

I never asked to be part of her entire life; I just want to be part of the stuff that would normally concern me. She and I used to be able to talk about anything. Now it feels like if I say the wrong thing, she’ll get annoyed and disappear. But how can I say the right thing if she’s doing things so… wrong?

Just before a star collapses, pressure builds up to the point of exhaustion. She and I have this pressure. I feel like I can’t talk to her, and what is more, I feel like she doesn’t talk to me. For some reason I feel the need to over compensate my kindness towards her. I don’t really feel all that joyful around her, in all truth, she actually pisses me off most of the time. The pressure is building, and I’m afraid of when it will be exhausted.

I just want things back to how they were.